Profile - Notes - Archive - Design - Contact - Host lost... Apr. 15, 2005 10:53 p.m. okay, I've not written in this for another grip... it's like all i have time for is work now... I love my job... with a passion I love my job. I mean, I've made a name for myself... I know that the managers talk about me all the time... I know that they talk about me with eachother and with the head managers of the golden corral llc. that's a big thing to me... to be something that people in power talk about... and in good nature too. I have a lot going for me... but in the end. I waste my time everywhere else... I have a girlfriend... that's a deadend... and i just dont have the balls to end it with her... I know I need to... she's miles away... and all we ever do is argue... or she gets all weird on me about the stupidest shit... I go out occasionally... usually right after work... and all it ever is is a waste of time... the only times I dont waste my time is when I hang out with either Ben... or Jimmy... no one else really makes anything... worthwhile. I've been getting depressed again... a lot... I cant quite put my finger on it fully... I mean... I've been thinking about sharon a lot... and yeah... there's a really sad feeling... whenever I think about her... maybe it's a little part of the depression in the end... but it just hits me.... I'm alone again... I work such hours that I go early in the morning, and I come home in the night... it's been light for a while when I leave, and it's been dark for a while when I leave... and when I come home... I have nothing to come to... no warm feeling... no feeling like I know what the fuck is going on around me... my family, my friends, everyone goes on with their life... and evan just lives his meager life leaving when needed at the golden powers and coming home immediately after so he can cram in 6 hours of sleep before downing a 4 pack of energy drinks... I've been 14 weeks sober... come tonight. exactly... it's 11... that's when I put the bong down for the last time... it's been amazing... well lately it's gotten dull again, but the first few weeks after being a chronic pothead smoking like... 2 times a day... maybe more... after that hangover wore away... that hazy feeling that every stoner knows so well... dissapeared slowly... and the world was so vibrant it was so beautiful my job went through the roof... I mean, I remember the first week... the clouds were so much cooler than I'd ever seen in any kind of drug induced state... they were beautiful... and it was beautiful because they were. and I wasnt high. a month passed and my brain functioned so much faster again, but my tourettes started getting worse... and evened out at a little bit of a twitch now and then... it's different... but I live with it... cant let anything get infront me doing my J-O-B... I'm a workaholic... I love it at my workplace... and my managers are my friends. seriously... I stay late after work... just to sit and eat and talk to karen... me and my other manager also named Ben have eachother in our cell phones... we call whenever... chris... we race our ( my old, his new ) bugs after work... there's nothing around that I enjoy more than going there... and getting my shit done... and making 10.50 an hour to do it... other than that cigarette that i smoke after I do it... Mudvayne came out with the new album... fuckin-a man... it takes me back... especially since I've been depressed for a month... but fuck man... they helped me through it... and I'll be one of those diehard fans till the end... like when pantera broke up... I'll be a grown man crying on the side of the street when mudvayne breaks up... what the fuck am I saying "when" they wont. they will retire like slipknot. fuckin-a man... I'm going to bed. <<< - >>>